Transition Point

I have been working through some very deep emotional issues the last few months. Grief has been one of the main themes; can grief be good? Well, here is what I have learned so far: 1. Grief is heavy and makes me feel heavy, and may even create weight gain and the storing of fat-Kapha increases. 2. Letting go can only happen by actually grieving, feeling the pain of whatever is being covered by grief; and it is not a mental exercise. 3. It is far easier to be angry, depressed, or afraid for me, than sitting and feeling the depths of my own grief.

I am also finding grief has a positive, a goodness to it; it means/shows how much I loved something or someone at one time. It reminds me that when I love, massive amounts of energy flow; when I stop the flow for whatever the reason, I lose the awareness of love. It is still present, but I simply pay attention to something else, completely fixated on the other. Then, I suffer and cause suffering (the experience of pain) in others. Grief is not a fun place to stay in, I have left it buried for years, my own grief. 

I have been teaching yoga classes for several years; I have considered opening my own studio many times, but I have chosen not to do that based on several factors. All the "factors/reasons/excuses' not to, have some real practical business sense to them. Population in the area, disposable income, a strong conservative cultural and religious base. 

Today, I am committing to myself and the students who have been willing to practice with me for several years to open my own studio by the fall of 2012. It will be a studio focussed on hot power vinyasa yoga practice as this style is what I love to do; if I no longer taught classes this would still be my practice.

The name Wildman comes from an experience in a yoga teacher training; the "wild" is the spontaneous joyful self that arises when the mind stops controlling the posture, the vinyasa or flow of energy, and you experience the wild blissful state of pure awareness. The state of being absolutely free of inner conflict; this is the wild.

I have been reading several books about Ayurveda and Yoga these last few years, and have learned that symbols are very important contemplative objects. During Hatha yoga practice we can contemplate the Sanskrit name of a posture, the posture itself, or the energy centers that are potentially activated during the posture. We can contemplate the Mantra, or Yantra, of a God or Goddess. We can contemplate on a single Sanskrit letter, or an inhale and exhale. 

In every culture and religion, philosophy or tradition, symbols have meaning. What the symbols mean is what we must uncover through our practice of inquiry. The original meaning of a symbol may have been lost or distorted, and the unique capacity for a symbol to cause the heart and mind to open is therefore hidden. It is a focus for me these next few years to return with greater discipline, and enthusiasm to the exploration of symbols, and relate those insights through this blog page.

If you have found a connection with the use of symbols for health and healing purposes, you are invited to share your insights here. 

I was out on training run Saturday, and it turned out to be one of the worst in a very long time. I had been through a week of long hours, split-shifting, and little sleep. My hamstrings, and quads tightened up around the 2-1/2 mile mark, and did not relax much for the rest of the 6 mile run. My running partner was very supportive, and walked and jogged along with me when I needed too. I paid attention to what I was feeling in my legs, and came across a deep sense of sorrow. I had been stuffing all my emotional energy into my legs for several weeks, and finally it was enough. My body responded with a shut down. It is still amazing to me that whenever we pay attention to our body what wisdom it reveals. 

What to do with the sorrow in my legs? First, get out the foam roller and clear the tissues. Second, bring in more yoga and breath work into my daily routine. Third, sleep more and then meditate on truth. Fourth, take action towards liberating myself from people who do not appreciate me. Fifth, get back out and run again!  

This month the focus topic is authority; what does it mean, what authority do you have in your personal and professional life?

Why a focus on authority? On a global level some people who have been given authority, who make decisions for government, corporations, businesses and educational institutions have abused, over extended, or neglected that authority. 

On a personal level it has been a time of reconnecting to my personal authority, and how that is so very important for my physical, emotional and mental health and well-being.

During the month of October it may be a good time to contemplate the many aspects of authority, and discover how you are influenced by outside authority and authorities.  It would also then be important to consider how your inner authority functions, how you make decisions as an authority figure, and where you are right now in relation to your inner authority.

Good Luck and let me know what you discover.

I have had one of those revelations recently that I have known intellectually for a long time, but not at a cellular level. I have realized that what I do really matters; and if I do not do my work that also matters. 

This realization has come through my fitness and yoga training primarily; if I do not train or practice I do not improve or do well. My ability to achieve my goals in an event or on the mat is compromised because I have not set the base fitness level to strive for a higher goal. Simple, logical and until recently only in my mind.

Why is this important now? Many of my friends and people I talk with are making life changing decisions; and all of us need to know it does matter what we decide to do. I have written about how we make decisions in the past, and you can look through the archives or I will prepare a seminar in 2012 to go over that again. If we make a decision based on someone else's ideals or ideas we are going to be unhappy in a short amount of time. We must take time to meditate in some form to open space between our thoughts and feel/see/hear/taste and smell the right direction for us. What happens is we usually find some delay tactic in the decision making process.

During a recent seminar the topic of "Standing in the Shadow," came up for experiential work. Standing in the shadow of some authority figure can be protective for some time in our life, and stifling or growth stunting in others. The shadow can be created by a positive authority figure; someone who is famous, wealthy, funny, beautiful... and somehow we feel inadequate next to them, and never step out of the positive shadow they cast. For others the shadow is more negative in nature, the actions of the authority figure are shaming, fearful, depressive, angry... and we feel bound to that same shadow. 

It is a very powerful contemplative practice to feel if you are standing in someone else's shadow. If we find we are standing in a shadow, then it becomes our duty to step out of that shadow, and into the light of our heart and mind. Freed from mental and emotional attachments we have developed towards authority. Then we are free to live our own authority, to be who we are at the deepest levels of expression. 

The seminar I am leading in April in Furstenfeld, Austria will focus on helping people take an abstract idea such as, "I want to do something to help people" or "I want to give something back" and clarify the "how they are going to do it." They may be able to create what they want in their current position, or career path, and simply need to internally claim and exert the will to do it. 

Some people drift from profession to profession, great idea to great idea, and never manifest their dreams. When asked "what do you really want?" people often respond in an abstract or generalized way. It shows they have the basic awareness of what they want to do. Staying in the abstract form however will result in nothing happening in the visible world. That is why I am offering this seminar; to help people say yes to manifesting their unique dream. 

It is a great time in the world today to manifest ideas, inventions, works of art, technical information development, and healing modalities. The need is great! 

Here is the main point of my absence from writing: Do what you love, no matter what! Life may be hard even if you are doing what you love, you may struggle; but living a life doing what you do not love is unbearable. I have reconnected with what I love, and I will be offering seminars, consultations and private sessions once again in 2011. Thank you to my friends, and teachers who have supported me during this time of renewal.

Forgiveness

What is real or true forgiveness? That is the focus during the month of October; I know there is a short time left in the month October as of the writing of this suggestion, but it is an important topic. If you are focussed it need not take up a large amount of time.

The meaning or actions of forgiveness according to the Thesaurus are: absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, clemency, mercy, reprieve, amnesty. When I feel into each of these descriptive words, what comes through is that if we truly forgive ourselves or others then we are liberated, or freed from debt, or ongoing punishment. 

Many people are seeking freedom and liberation in their life, it may be that forgiveness is one of the keys to being free and liberated.

Let me know what you discover; and share it through the blog!